Helpless
by a62belle
Summary: Upon finding out the true man behind T.A.H.I.T.I., Skoulson find themselves facing the true, dire consequences of resurrection. And...we're back to angst. I don't own anything, so, argh! Oh yeah, trigger warning for Attempted Suicide.


"Nice night, A.C." Skye says, repeating what she'd said just a few hours before, slipping on a robe as she smiles at her lover in boxer shorts.

He tries to smile teasingly, but fails to do so, he's worn out, tired after a long day, the only thing keeping him up is the rareness of the opportunity of spending a night with Skye.

"I think I'd better go back to my room," he says, getting up, finding the spare suit Skye keeps for him.

"You think the team'll find out?" Skye asks, smiling.

"It's inevitable, but I prefer to prolong it," he says. There's a comfortable silence between the both of them as Coulson dresses. He pecks her on the lips and teases, "If you ever need me, you know you've got my room key," and leaves the room, locking it behind him.

As he moves into his room, he utters a name he didn't expect to utter in a long time, "May."

May, still dressed in her tactical gear moves towards him, deciding to ignore the possible implications of his lateness; she's been waiting for over three hours.

"Coulson, there's something you've got to see," she says with an unreadable expression on her face.

Shoot, Coulson thinks, no she knows, how long could it take for the team to find out?

She gestures towards the desk, he sees it's a communication between Director Fury and the T.A.H.I.T.I. Project Supervisor.

He wants to kill whoever supervised this project.

Even when he realises it was him.

All the memories suddenly flow in. He remembers the screaming of the subjects, every single T.A.H.I.T.I. project before him.

"I'm sorry, Phil," May says, touching him gently on the shoulder, before exiting for her room.

He starts working immediately, he finds a rope, and does a semi-successful noose, locating the handle of an over-head closet as a good place to hang from.

He knows too well there's no more T.A.H.I.T.I. to save him. He's a monster, he deserves to die, in the most shameful way possible.

There's a sudden aching in his heart at the thought of leaving Skye, but he convinces himself it's for the better; she doesn't deserve a monster like him. None of his team does.

He'd always thought himself a good man. He didn't think he was worse than the 'Clairvoyant'.

At least the 'Clairvoyant' (generally) killed quickly, with no torture. He hastened people's deaths. He had prolonged the suffering of them.

He kicks away from the bed the very instant Skye enters.

"Hey, Phil, you left your be-. Oh my god," she says, she's not very strong but manages to push Coulson off the noose and onto the bed.

He slowly wakes up in a very pissed-off Skye's arms.

"What were you thinking?!" she screams at him, more a venting than a real question.

"Please, Skye, let me die," he begs, tears running freely down his face, "I'm a monster, I don't deserve to live."

"What do you mean by that?" she says, shocked but still pulling him in an embrace.

Swallowing, he goes to the computer and plays the video. He can't bear to watch, simply covering his face with his hands.

"That does not make you a monster," she says, finally, after watching the video. She's definitely shaken, but with an utmost refusal to believe Coulson is anything but the good man she knows he is.

"I watched people suffering, and I was the cause, how does that make me not a monster?" he asks, desperately, warming to Skye's embrace once again before his hands fly to his temple.

"Oh my god," he says, wincing, squirming in Skye's grasp as she tries to appease him, "It hurts so bad."

She holds on to him, hardly daring to see the pain in his eyes.

Nice night, what nice night? You're holding the man you love in your arms in extreme pain and he just tried to kill himself. If this qualifies for a nice night, you're officially heartless.

She moves slowly across the edge of the bed to grab the hotel phone, dialling the room Jemma shared with Fitz (there had been a shortage of rooms so they'd volunteered), praying she'd pick up.

"Sir, why are you calling me at this time?" Jemma asks sleepily, barely having seen the Caller I.D. in her sleepiness.

"Jemma, it's me Skye," Skye replies immediately, her words clipped by a loud groan of pain from Coulson.

"Skye, why are you calling from Coulson's phone? If you hacked it and this is a prank call I'm going to send May on you tomorrow," Jemma says, slowly getting her bearings and not yet sensitive enough to hear the groan.

"Please Jemma, I'm in A.C.'s room, I don't know what's happening to him but he seems in major pain. Please help!" Skye says anxiously, helpless to the man in her lap's aid.

At this, Jemma jolts awake, "I'm coming immediately!" she replies, "I'll wake Fitz."

She manages to rouse him by pushing him off the bed.

"What the hell Jemma?" he shouts at her as he rubs his back, sitting up.

"Skye called in, Agent Coulson's in some sort of pain, she wouldn't elaborate," she replies, not bothering to dress from the T-Shirt and exercise pants she's wearing.

She and Fitz rush down the corridor to Coulson's room, barging it open with a new lock-picking device Fitz designed.

"What took you so long!" Skye practically screams, "I needed you yesterday!"

Not too far from the truth, it was now 12.01a.m.

Jemma moves closer to the whimpering figure in front of her, groaning out loudly in pain as he squeezed Skye's hand tightly.

"Sir?" Jemma asks tentatively.

"Jemma? Please, make it stop!" he screams in agony, squeezing Skye's hand even tighter.

"I've no idea what could have caused this," Jemma says, helplessly waving her hands, "and without the cause, I cannot solve the problem!"

"Turn on the computer and watch the video, I don't care about clearance levels!" Skye screams at Jemma in her anxiety. Jemma and Fitz turn on the computer immediately, watching the video in horror.

"Since it's alien biology, none of the sedation or medicines on the market could possibly help him. The good news is that the attacks will only last up to four hours," Jemma says finally.

"Four hours! You got to be kidding me!" Skye shouts once more at the head-shaking Jemma.

"I'm sorry Skye, but I'm not Asgardian, I can't help him shorten the length of the attack," Jemma says regretfully as Fitz wraps his arms around her shoulders, "I'll see you in the morning."

And with that, Fitzsimmons leaves.

"Four hours?" Coulson asks, desperately.

Skye nods sadly, holding his hand.

She goes back to the time in St. Agnes.

_She was sitting at a desk, she had always been Sister Mckenzie's favourite, but she didn't feel like praying when Sister Grace was so sick._

_Cancer was the word she heard so often in the orphanage._

_"God is love," she thinks, slowly. In times like this, it was hard to believe that._

_She's 16, independent and long since used to moving around. _

_She sings at Sister Mckenzie's funeral. It was the first time she'd ever felt any heartbreak, felt helpless to come to one's aid._

_So she ran away from the orphanage, it no longer held any meaning to her. She met Miles Lydon, it was inevitable that she would run into some bad company._

She didn't think she deserved someone like Coulson in her life, and it seemed like life was just telling her that.

Someone whom she could really say 'Nice Night' to and be telling the truth.

"I love you, A.C." she whispers into his ear, realising she'd never gone about saying it.

It was inevitable that this would have to happen before she realised it was more than a sex relationship.

Four hours seem to last forever, but they eventually tick by, his attack leaves him exhausted.

For the second time in her life, Skye is completely helpless, she cannot stop the inevitable.

But she sure as hell isn't going to give up the man she loves either.


End file.
